I’ve started earning more at my new job but somehow it made me think about how I am managing my finances. Perhaps its due to my little savings, perhaps its due to the true face of people. Or maybe its just how humans really are.
To be honest, I never foresee myself to be at this state, to feel unhappy or dilemma when spending money on someone. Perhaps back in my old company I had many friends. Or those I deem as friends. So I don’t think twice spending money on friends. But my departure from the company made me realize that I should really.. really stay out of the company for good.
I am still damn updated with the happenings in office, maybe even more updated than most. Old staffs still talk to me. That made me feel tied down to the company, never able to leave. Sometimes its a dilemma, sometimes I want to be updated, to know how everyone is doing. But sometimes I know I need to move on. Perhaps some day I will quit joining all sorts of gathering from my ex company. Only the selected few few.
Back to finances. I see myself still spending money chipping in to birthdays and etc with friends who really, perhaps not give a shit about me anymore. And I feel unhappy spending those money. Although I’m earning more now, I’m also trying to save harder than before, harder than ever.
Perhaps I was too naive. That everyone I deem close to me as friends, will keep me close to them as well. Apparently not.